


What Makes Me Myself

by krashoheath



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:13:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9121102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krashoheath/pseuds/krashoheath
Summary: Tobin and Christen aren't themselves when they're apart.Lightly inspired by Grace VanderWaal's "Beautiful Thing"





	

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this 1 day later than I meant to - oops! Enjoy it anyway.

Tobin’s entire body twitches when she’s startled awake by the sharp ringing sound of an incoming video call on her phone. With her eyes still shut, she flails her hands and arms across her mattress before finally retrieving the device from beneath her pillows. She squints at the screen, tapping accept as soon as she recognizes the face beneath the incoming caller’s name. 

“Hi.” Christen’s voice is small and almost shy, as if she’s embarrassed to be calling at this time of night. It’s nearly midnight in southern California, meaning it’s about six hours past Tobin’s nine o’clock East Coast bedtime. 

“Are you okay?” Tobin manages to mumble out of her raspy, sleep-clogged throat as she reaches toward her bedside lamp. Her eyes are stuck in a squint when the light floods her bedroom, but they peel open to focus on Christen’s smile that fills the screen. 

“Do you miss me?” the green-eyed girl quietly asks, not looking directly at the screen. 

Tobin blinks, wondering whether or not Christen meant to say that aloud. When she doesn’t respond, Christen’s eyes flicker back to the video and Tobin can see a spark of worry in them. 

“Yeah, ‘course I do,” Tobin insists, a small wrinkle appearing between her brows as she watches her girlfriend. 

“It won’t be long, you know,” the midfielder adds when Christen stays quiet, fidgeting with a lock of her loosely curled hair.

The forward nods slowly, glancing up through her thick eyelashes at the camera above her laptop screen. She chews her bottom lip as she mentally counts the weeks before they’ll be reunited. After having so much time together following the end of their season, Christen struggled more than usual to separate herself from Tobin so they could spend the holidays with their families. It was a decision they made months ago, while planning their post-season travels through Europe, and at the time, it seemed like a fair compromise. They’d be able to spend a couple of weeks with each other, on their own time, exploring all day and sharing a bed every night, in exchange for missing out on the holidays together. If it weren’t for the amazing memories they made while traveling, Christen thinks she might regret agreeing to spending the holidays three time zones away.

Christen shakes her head quickly, scolding herself for selfishly wishing she could have Tobin to herself all the time. She prides herself on being practical and mindful, having talked Tobin out of pouting and craving togetherness many times during their year-long relationship. The midfielder’s preference for physicality and closeness over conversation and various forms of long-distance communication has likely rubbed off on Christen, she thinks to herself as Tobin’s voice pulls her back to their video call. 

“Chris.” Tobin pauses, waiting for Christen’s full attention. “Lie down,” she instructs, knowing they always miss each other most when they’re exhausted and alone in bed. Tobin watches Christen rearrange herself and pull her blankets up to her chin, grinning at her screen when she notices her old UNC t-shirt peeking out from beneath Christen’s sweater. 

“Sorry for waking you,” Christen mumbles, rubbing her hand over her face in an attempt to wipe her worries away. “I’m just having a harder time than normal and night time-” 

“Sucks,” Tobin finishes for her with a lightly bitter laugh. “I know.”

Christen curls around her laptop, trying to feel as close to Tobin as possible. “You’d think I’d only get better at this distance thing, not worse,” she muses. 

“You’re always trying to improve at everything, so I think I can cut you some slack this time,” Tobin teases. “Maybe I’m rubbing off on you, with my whining and constant neediness while you’re away,” she adds with a quick wink. 

“Yeah, you’re a bad influence,” the younger girl giggles. 

Their call continues, their voices dragging with increasing sleepiness as they murmur memories from their travels back and forth to each other until finally, Christen’s eyes fall shut and her jaw goes slack as she gives in to sleep. Feeling comforted by the sort-of presence provided by the video stream, Tobin elects not to end the call. Instead, she switches off the lamp and slides further beneath her blankets, clutching her phone on the pillow next to hers as if it were Christen’s hand. 

****

…

On Christmas Eve, Tobin’s phone is flooded with photos from Christen; in some, she’s wearing matching pajamas and laughing with her sisters, while in others, the dark-haired girl is alone, her hair wrapped up into a messy bun atop her head as she blows kisses toward her beloved dog. Tobin finds her eyes glued to her screen as she swipes her thumb through the photos for probably the tenth time that evening.

“Tobin, come on! You just spent weeks staring at her - put the phone down and get in here!” 

The soccer player rolls her eyes at her brother’s taunts shouted from the living room of their parent’s home. She gives in, though, pocketing her cell phone as she saunters down the hallway toward where her family is unpacking a board game. 

“Ow!” Tobin squawks minutes later, rubbing the spot on her upper arm where Jeffrey’s fist just landed. “Sorry,” she mumbles, looking up from her phone in her lap to take her turn in the game. 

“How’s Christen?” Perry sing-songs knowingly as Tobin moves her token across the board. 

“Fine,” Tobin mutters, annoyed by her siblings’ pestering. She feels only _slightly_ guilty for allowing so much of her attention to be dedicated toward Christen while around her family for the first time in a while. 

“You should have more than that to say about her,” Jeffrey prods. “You’ve been practically a brick wall with a built-in cell phone since you guys parted ways.”

Tobin frowns as she throws one of the game dice at her brother, nearly hitting him square in the forehead.

“Hey, not my fault that you’re more fun with her around,” he taunts with a lighthearted laugh.

Once the game finally ends, Jeffrey gloats about his winning strategy while packing up the pieces. Tobin takes the opportunity to slip away to the guest bedroom she has taken over for the week. A sigh escapes from her lips as she scrolls through her conversations with Christen, dotted with _miss you_ ’s and _wish you were here_ ’s. 

She taps out a new message. _My family thinks I’m boring without you_ , she sends, followed by an emoji. 

Christen responds almost instantly, and for just a moment, Tobin perks up. _Tell Jeffrey hi for me._

Tobin smirks, amused by Christen’s ability to know exactly what to say. The last few hours of the evening pass like seconds in Tobin’s mind as their banter continues, and before she knows it, she’s fast asleep, likely with a smile still spread across her face. 

****

…

A few days after Christmas, Tobin feels more weighed down than ever. She mopes about her parents house, uninterested in joining in on jokes, games, or shopping trips -- all things she’s certain Christen is busying herself with, particularly before her upcoming birthday.

Tobin is splayed across a couch in the family room one afternoon, flipping through sports channels, when Perry’s voice startles her from the doorway. 

“Tobin, just go to her.” 

Tobin weighs the suggestion on her mind only momentarily before replying, shaking her head. “No, I can’t. I haven’t been here in so long, and Mom and Dad…”

Perry stares at her sister as she trails off, her face showing her surprise at Tobin’s answer. “Hush. They get it,” she insists. “Plus you’re not very much fun right now,” she teases, sticking out her tongue playfully as she joins Tobin on the couch. “Look, find a flight and go,” Perry concludes, her tone serious and sincere. 

The soccer player sighs deeply, feeling overwhelmed by her emotions and this decision. “I _am_ going to miss her birthday…” she mutters, trying to reason with herself before shaking her head once again. 

Her sister stands again, tossing her hands up in front of her almost defensively. 

“Hey, just an idea,” Perry says. “Do it or don’t, but I’d rather know you’re happy than see you like this,” she continues on her way out of the room. 

Once she’s alone again, Tobin curls onto her side with her phone clutched between her fingers. She sucks in a deep breath, noting how heavy her entire body feels. She groans, frustrated for being seemingly unable to be fully herself without Christen around. _That’s not such a bad thing_ , I guess, she counters mentally, squeezing her eyes shut. 

“Okay,” she breathes, tapping into her phone and opening her airline app with resolve. 

****

…

“Okay, okay, last but not least,” Christen’s mother draws out her words with excitement as she reaches for her daughter’s wrist to guide her across the room. She places Christen in front of the long couch in their family room, instructing her to sit down while keeping her eyes closed.

Christen giggles nervously, squeezing her eyes shut. “Mom, you really don’t have to -” she begins to argue. She’d spent the days leading up to her birthday insisting to her family that she didn’t need any more gifts or surprises, since Christmas had just passed. Her mother and sisters had already showered her with small gifts hidden throughout the house that morning, ending in the kitchen with a huge breakfast they made together. Christen had done her best to stay cheerful and be grateful for all of it, although she constantly felt as if one thing was missing. She had discreetly checked her phone all morning, to no avail, and she was beginning to worry a little. 

“Shush, Chris!” Her younger sister’s command startles Christen out of her moment of daydreaming while she continues to sit blindly. She sits up straighter, feeling the atmosphere of the room shift around her. Christen nervously taps her fingers on her knee, wishing she could see what must be going on around her. She feels the couch sink next to her under the weight of something. _Or someone?_ she wonders silently, feeling jittery. 

“Happy birthday.” 

The room quiets with anticipation as Christen slowly opens her eyes in disbelief. _It can’t be_ , she thinks just before her eyes focus on the golden brown pair staring back at her warmly. 

Speechless, Christen starts laughing, wrapping her arms around Tobin’s neck and inhaling against her neck. She hums happily when Tobin squeezes her closer, pressing a kiss into her dark waves. 

“You’re here,” Christen breathes, pulling back to grin at Tobin. She looks around at the other women lining the room, glancing from her mom to her sisters, seeking some indication as to whose idea this was. Both her sisters and her mother point at Tobin, who chuckles softly. 

“I couldn’t miss your birthday,” Tobin shrugs, returning her girlfriend’s grin as Christen leans back into her. She kisses the top of the forward’s head once more, sighing softly as she feels her entire being relax. 

“And we’re just glad you’re here because Chris has been a moody mess since she got here, despite her best attempts to hide it,” Christen’s mother jokes from the corner, winking at Tobin. 

“I think my family would say the same thing,” Tobin muses, mostly to Christen. 

The two find themselves alone as Christen’s family disperses, and Christen is grateful for the chance to finally press her lips to Tobin’s. Their kiss is quick and soft, and Christen giggles happily when they part. 

“I feel more like myself already,” Christen murmurs, trying to sink closer still to Tobin’s warmth. 

Tobin nods in agreement, wrapping her arms tighter around Christen as they settle into each other again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still working on TSiP, I swear! New chapter coming soon. Hopefully this fluffy one-shot will satiate you for a little while. ;) Find me at krashoheathqa.tumblr.com in the meantime!


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